


A pole-ish silly snippet

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-01
Updated: 1999-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere. CONTENT WARNING Badfic. You have been warned. DISCLAIMER I don't know if anyone wants to claim my versions of Mulder and co. COMMENTS Well Rowanne. Badfic you want, badfic you get! Do I really want to put my name to this?
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	A pole-ish silly snippet

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere. CONTENT WARNING Badfic. You have been warned. DISCLAIMER I don't know if anyone wants to claim my versions of Mulder and co. COMMENTS Well Rowanne. Badfic you want, badfic you get! Do I really want to put my name to this?

  
**A pole-ish silly snippet  
by Megaera**

  
Mulder got quite a surprise when he arrived home one evening. 

"Hit me with your quivering love dart, Mulder!" 

"What!?" Mulder squawked, staring in disbelief at the reclining figure on his couch. Alex Krycek was stark naked and was holding a small green cylinder in his lap. 

"Come on, big boy! You know you want to! Pull out your quivering weapon and pierce my hot depths!" 

Mulder blushed. Though he undeniably had repressed feelings of desire for Alex Krycek, he had never had the courage to act on them. 

"What the hell are you on, Krycek. Drugs?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know, you hot stud!" 

In truth, Mulder did feel hot. Maybe the central heating was malfunctioning again. Alex pointed the nozzle of the cylinder at him and squirted some of the gas it contained at Mulder. Immediately, the potent mixture took effect. The two men closed in on each other until they were closer than a limpet and the rock it was sticking to. Their clothes disappeared along the line somewhere, probably falling into a black hole and being compressed to something a bit smaller than a pin head. All Mulder ever found was a single sock with a hole in. He wasn't even sure it was his. 

"Oh Alex, dearest! I love you so much. Come here and suck my nuts, you sweet muffin." 

Alex did. Inevitably, there were a few physical responses. Mulder's nipples went "ping" and took on the shape of little pink pebbles. His cock rose like a flag climbing a flagpole. Indeed, it may even have resembled a certain famous building in New York with a flagpole on top. (You know, the one that King Kong swung from.) 

"Ooooh Mulder. You are a big boy and no mistake..... " Alex began to apply his tongue liberally to the sensitive areas around Mulder's bush. 

Mulder's cock began to weep and stood smartly to attention. Alex left that bit until last. He pushed Mulder onto his back and he sucked the potato shaped head into his mouth and let it tickle his tonsils. He blessed his former career as a sword swallower in a Russian circus. That gas was certainly handy stuff. He pumped Mulder's fire hose with his throat engine, and when Mulder came, he even sounded a bit like a fire truck on an emergency call. The neighbours evacuated the building by mistake. Again. 

Alex decided it was time for him to have something out of this, other than swallowing Mulder's bitter love juice, so he flipped Mulder onto his stomach and slid his own prodigious member home in ecstasy, like a sword slipping into a well made leather sheath. Mulder didn't know why, but he was really enjoying himself. 

"Oh yeah Alex! Fill me. Pump me up like an inflatable tyre! Stick your big nozzle in there. Make me bark like a dog with your big elephant's trunk!" 

Alex did. Twice. To the extent that Mulder received a warning note about keeping pets the next week from his landlord. 

Afterwards, they lay together, panting like long distance runners who've just run the London Marathon. Mulder got very depressed, because he had to go in to work tomorrow, instead of spending the day having fun with Alex's generous column and woolly balls. He kissed them affectionately. 

"Let me play with your love tube Alex." Alex was of course, generous about this. Mind you, who wouldn't be? Anyway, the rest of the night was more leisurely, since they were both getting a bit tired after their tenth orgasm. Mulder just knew it was love though, and proposed marriage half way through the seventh. Alex got all giggly, and called him names like sweetheart and precious and love-bundle, like you do in such circumstances. They had exchanged rings and had each other's names tattooed on their chests by morning. Though perhaps Fox should have shaved his first. 

They lived happily ever after, buying a big house with roses round the door, to the considerable surprise of everyone in the F.B.I. and spent the rest of their lives making lots of money recording tapes for sound effect companies. 

* * *

"That gas was very effective sir." The young consortium trainee said to the Smoking man, as they viewed the surveillance tapes. "What was in it?" 

"Didn't you recognise it?" The older man smiled smugly. "It was a most lethal mixture. Distilled essence of romantic fiction, bad slashfic and the section of the Oxford Complete Thesaurus dealing with long pointy objects. Send a tube of it to A.D. Skinner next week!" 

* * *

End of sillyfic. Thank goodness! 

  
[email removed]   


A pole-ish silly snippet   
by Megaera   
DATE September 1999   
FEEDBACK Always welcome[email removed]   
DISTRIBUTION Any time any place anywhere, but only if you enjoyed the story.   
CONTENT WARNING Badfic. You have been warned.   
CATEGORY Sillyfic   
DISCLAIMER I don't know if anyone wants to claim my versions of Mulder and co.   
COMMENTS Well Rowanne. Badfic you want, badfic you get! Do I really want to put my name to this?   
---


End file.
